Minutes from my meeting

Yesterday I had a meeting with myself.  After gathering my thoughts and writing down how I got here this is where I went.

Things that made me happy…  dance, volunteering, debate, lawyering, helping people, writing, youth group, teaching, community, knitting, co-workers, being excited, crafts, being connected, keeping busy

Things that I need to change…  not busy enough, feeling disconnected, blessed but not giving back enough, wasted law degree, not feeling accomplished, bored

Action items…

1.  Have family raise money and participate in a walk for cancer research.  I have found walk in May near our house.  I have been trying to find more information but I just found their Facebook page and sent a message.  I would love for the five of us to participate and raise money.  I think this will be an invaluable teaching tool and work towards doing some good in the world.  My husband was diagnosed with cancer when we were 24 one month after we were engaged.  12 years later he is doing really well.  I would love to help plan the event - hopefully I will get some response from them soon.

2.  Volunteer during the week.  I have a big block of time on wednesdays thanks to my amazing mother-in-law taking #2 and #3.  This is where I feel like with this amount of time I need to be actually "doing" something good.  I have been trying to find a good volunteer opportunity for me but it has been hard.  Part of me feels like I should utilize my law degree - but then I feel like I am not trained to help people.  I haven't been practicing for 8 years!  Maybe I should focus on a new area.  I have contacted some places - I need to follow up.

3.  Writing.  Even if it is never seen by anyone else I am committing to writing on this blog five days a week monday through friday.  I might sprinkle back in my old ideas of recipes and crafts but also keep writing about my thoughts and progress on the next chapter in my life.  I already feel more centered and motivated after two days.

4.  Debate/teaching.  I loved the debate team in college.  I have thought a lot about getting involved in this over the years.  The problem I always come upon is that it is very weekend centered.  I want to spend time with my kids and husband on the weekend - maybe when they are much older.  I might want to explore teaching at a high school or community college.

5.  Dance.  Dance was my favorite thing I did.  I danced all the way through school until law school.  After law school I went occasionally - but I was frustrated with my fitness level and changing body.  I have spent a ton of time researching dance schools that have adult classes.  I found one in the town next to mine that has adult classes.  The timing isn't great - 12:15 on saturday - but maybe if I go once a month just to get the juices flowing.  I already bought new shoes!

6.  Charity knitting.  Last weekend I cleaned out my basement and found boxes and boxes of yarn.  Once I finish a baby blanket for a new nephew that is coming next month I want to quickly make scarfs to donate to homeless shelters.  I began researching different knitting charities - I should look into that more.

Ok - I feel like I have made some progress.  The thing I am most surprised about is that I had already made a lot of progress prior to my meeting.  I have been thinking about what makes me happy and what direction I want to move in.  I have been doing a fair amount of research and work.  Getting all of this information down has been so helpful.

A Meeting with myself

So obviously my first attempt at this blog was not entirely successful.  I am not sure where I am exactly going to go with it from here since it has been 1 year and a half since my first handful of posts.  I was looking for a place to get some thoughts out and this seemed to be a good one.

I just brewed a cup of tea (although I would rather have coffee but trying to cut back), sat down in my dinning room (the cleanest room in the house) with my laptop a pen and a blank notebook and I am going to have a meeting with myself.  I wonder if the simple act of taking the time to write this is actually me avoiding this meeting?  

Regardless, why am I having a meeting with myself?  I am in a period of transition and have been having a very difficult way finding where I should go next.  Backing up…  I was an attorney for 3 years until having my first son.  I happily left my law firm to stay home with #1.  It was not easy being home - I was so lucky that my husband's job provided enough money for us to allow me to do this - it was what I wanted to do.  There were amazing days and really hard days - but I do not regret that decision at all.  One year later we moved houses and towns.  2 1/2 years later #2 came along.  #1 was in pre-school for 9 hours a week.  We were busy with classes and play groups.  I was busy and happy.  2 years later we moved houses and towns again (hopefully we never move again!).  #1 was in school 15 hours a day and I had the little ones home with me.  My three boys filled my days with so much to do.  I was soooooo busy and happy.  This fall #1 is in 2nd grade not getting home until 3:30 or 4:30 most days, #2 and #3 are in school 15 hours a day.  My afternoons are still busy going to gymnastics, soccer or other activities.  I fear for when they all have homework - but for know we are able to get #1's work done. 

Not going back to work when #1 was born was not a hard decision.  I didn't love what I was doing.  The hours were bad and the pay was even worse.  Even though it wasn't a hard decision I had to constantly grabble with it.  I went to law school and barely began to practice.  I knew I wanted to stay home when the kids were young but what was my long term plan?  I finally began to feel confident and maybe even proud of my decision - even if sometimes I felt like I was the only Mom in Boston staying home with her children.  My plan was once the kids were all in school I would go back to work.  I would work in the non-profit world doing the good that I always wanted to do.  This was a great plan when I didn't actually have to do anything.  Now that it is here how do I accomplish it? 

The first two months of all three boys in school was extremely busy.  There were all of the Jewish holidays grouped together.  We were getting into a routine and I was enjoying a little time to myself.  When I became bored of the gym and shopping trips I didn't know where to turn.  It is not like I am ready for a full time job.  #2 and #3 need to be picked up most days by noon!  But I have these pockets of time where I feel like I am wasting my life.  Not my whole life - just that portion of it.  I am scared that I have missed out on the last 8 years of a career and there is no way to jump start it now.  There is an emptiness that I have been feeling when the kids are at school - or even when they are home and happily listening to a book on CD (that is their favorite thing now!?!).  I know I have so much to offer - but how and where to get it out?

My husband has been extremely supportive.  He was the one that suggested this meeting!  When I talk to him about how I am feeling he listens and keeps saying that I really need to focus on an area or cause that I want to be involved in - hence the meeting.  He also suggested brainstorming things and activities that used to make me happy and try to get back to some of them.  I feel like I have become very one dimensional.  I am a wife, mother, homemaker.  These are all amazing things - and I take great pride in these jobs!  Now that I have kids and not babies - I need more…

I haven't been to a business meeting in so long - was that just the introduction?  Should that have been handed out as background material prior to the meeting?  Now I actually need to get to work...