I just brewed a cup of tea (although I would rather have coffee but trying to cut back), sat down in my dinning room (the cleanest room in the house) with my laptop a pen and a blank notebook and I am going to have a meeting with myself. I wonder if the simple act of taking the time to write this is actually me avoiding this meeting?
Regardless, why am I having a meeting with myself? I am in a period of transition and have been having a very difficult way finding where I should go next. Backing up… I was an attorney for 3 years until having my first son. I happily left my law firm to stay home with #1. It was not easy being home - I was so lucky that my husband's job provided enough money for us to allow me to do this - it was what I wanted to do. There were amazing days and really hard days - but I do not regret that decision at all. One year later we moved houses and towns. 2 1/2 years later #2 came along. #1 was in pre-school for 9 hours a week. We were busy with classes and play groups. I was busy and happy. 2 years later we moved houses and towns again (hopefully we never move again!). #1 was in school 15 hours a day and I had the little ones home with me. My three boys filled my days with so much to do. I was soooooo busy and happy. This fall #1 is in 2nd grade not getting home until 3:30 or 4:30 most days, #2 and #3 are in school 15 hours a day. My afternoons are still busy going to gymnastics, soccer or other activities. I fear for when they all have homework - but for know we are able to get #1's work done.
Not going back to work when #1 was born was not a hard decision. I didn't love what I was doing. The hours were bad and the pay was even worse. Even though it wasn't a hard decision I had to constantly grabble with it. I went to law school and barely began to practice. I knew I wanted to stay home when the kids were young but what was my long term plan? I finally began to feel confident and maybe even proud of my decision - even if sometimes I felt like I was the only Mom in Boston staying home with her children. My plan was once the kids were all in school I would go back to work. I would work in the non-profit world doing the good that I always wanted to do. This was a great plan when I didn't actually have to do anything. Now that it is here how do I accomplish it?
The first two months of all three boys in school was extremely busy. There were all of the Jewish holidays grouped together. We were getting into a routine and I was enjoying a little time to myself. When I became bored of the gym and shopping trips I didn't know where to turn. It is not like I am ready for a full time job. #2 and #3 need to be picked up most days by noon! But I have these pockets of time where I feel like I am wasting my life. Not my whole life - just that portion of it. I am scared that I have missed out on the last 8 years of a career and there is no way to jump start it now. There is an emptiness that I have been feeling when the kids are at school - or even when they are home and happily listening to a book on CD (that is their favorite thing now!?!). I know I have so much to offer - but how and where to get it out?
My husband has been extremely supportive. He was the one that suggested this meeting! When I talk to him about how I am feeling he listens and keeps saying that I really need to focus on an area or cause that I want to be involved in - hence the meeting. He also suggested brainstorming things and activities that used to make me happy and try to get back to some of them. I feel like I have become very one dimensional. I am a wife, mother, homemaker. These are all amazing things - and I take great pride in these jobs! Now that I have kids and not babies - I need more…
I haven't been to a business meeting in so long - was that just the introduction? Should that have been handed out as background material prior to the meeting? Now I actually need to get to work...
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